ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.........................
i dunno wad to do. so sad. i cry frm ytd until today alr.
why she affect me so much? she left. no more studyin with me. i only left 1 fren in my course.
so sad rite? so poor thing. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..................

i very long nv feel wad is happy alr.
goin out with frens dun make me any better.
how how how? wad can i do to make myself happy??
i think for now only one thing can. but i cannot do tt thing

today i told him i sometimes thinking of letting him go.
he also think e same as me. upset.
but i tell him as long as he love me i will be okie.
dun let go of me. i will be fine. i need time to adjust to all these things.
new sch environment, being independent n ur absence all these take time to adapt.
pls tolerate me during this period. i need support to cont.
i really pray tt things will go well for him.
no worry no stress. happy living there.
i wan to be happy. anyone can teach me how to be happy?
return to e same old cindy again?

thz manda for buying me ice cream.
i very touched. thx my dear.

study break over. next week onwards muz also study for mb quiz
n also do biostat assignment soon.

wad i do during this whole week? simply studying.
sat n sun study phy cuz i tot mon goin out with sharon n joyce.
in e end change to thurs. so mon i cont to study phy. so many things to rmb.
things always leak out from my head.
done 3/4 of my mb lab report on tues. take me one whole day.
cuz i hve to find out the expected results. muz finish my lab worksheets also.
This week i went thru my mb notes. all so thick. read chpt 1-5.

Thurs. YAY i went out with sharon and joyce. go suntec eat cheap food.
then we went to take alot of photos.
n guess wad 3gals went to watch horror movie MIRRORS at gv ms.
e cinema is so cold. n tt show is so disgusting. so many eee scenes.
We went flyer to eat popeyes. Take lots of photos at flyer.
Taking photo remind me of me n darling at flyer. Sad.
Haiz. Darling coming back on end of dec. I got nth to do in dec.
I think i hve to work. If nt bored to death.

Nowadays i feel so dull. No mood to do anything.
Every day at hme. If Sharon nv ask me out. Think i’m goin to stay at hme
all the time.

I got something bothering me. I’m afraid of things happening again. So i decided to keep quiet. Maybe i’m juz thinking too much.......

Now i feel that my life is in total boreness.
everyday wad i do is go sch come back do my sch work
slp wake up then this routine again.
is so boring but i hve no choice cuz i cant stop doing sch work when there is a need.
i wont stop doing juz to play.
i'm nt that kind of person. all shld noe me.
i will study finish first b4 i play.
if nt i will feel so bad n insecure.
i will try to finish some of it before i play.
i super long nv go out the whole day juz to relax.
i feel so upset. can i change e way i m?
cant i be like someone tt will play more than study more when exams come?
i'm sick of this kind of life.
but i juz cant change e way i am. i'm born with this kind of character.
i will hve to study all e way till my dec holidays come.
cuz i got test almost everyweek after sch reopen.
i got to do my stats assignment, lab report etc.
i think i become slow in learning n doing things.

i feel so lonely. for one yr plus darling always beside me when i'm studying.
kind of use to it.
but now i hve to study by myself again.
so boring.
now every weekend i always stay at hme do my sch work or write notes.
staying at hme juz to do my work if not i will b too tired to go out.
reading others' blog make me feel so jealous.
they got so many events happening.
feel so happy for them. then me? at hme almost all e time except goin sch.
i used to hve e urge to go out but now dun hve.
rest at hme becoming a big part of my life.
now ppl ask me go out i feel either too tired or lazy to go out.
juz like e bbq ytd. i feel like goin but too tired to go.
in e end i stay at hme n darling tok to me for awhile.
think sch will be e biggest part of my life now.
friends getting lesser darling so far, so sch is e only thing i doin now.
i dun wish things to be like tt.
sighs...

Sch getting more n more busy.
tutorials, assignments n self study.
cuz common test coming on 29sep.
alot to study. but i blur at some parts of lect.
wad to do. so many things to absorb at e same time.
i couldnt image how will i be when exams come.
first sem in NTU. n the worst thing is i'm yr 2.
i dunno how the exam sys is like. scary.

Things r getting better between e 2 of us.
although we talk lesser to each other,
but i can feel tt we r closer. nt so drifted apart.
I feel glad tt we made a right choice.
but hope things remain e same for e next 1yr plus.
almost 3 mths passed.
he is busy with his sch work. i'm busy with mine.
UNI is so much different from poly.
i enjoyed poly alot. but nt UNI.
maybe ppl tend to take e easy way out
when things get difficult ppl will retreat n escape frm e problem
although is wrong but tt nature.

boring life boring me.

haha. i read tiff blog.
so went to do the love language test.

Your Detailed Results:
Quality Time: 9
Physical Touch: 8
Words of Affirmation: 5
Receiving Gifts: 4
Acts of Service: 3

From the results i think i really need quality time.
haha nvm la. i got tok to him. hehe.

Today met sharon n joyce for lunch.
So happy to see them. Miss them.
A lot of things to say. Haha. Making fun of each other.
Think I very long nv so happy le.
Today seem to be the happiest for this 2 mth plus.
We ate candanain pizza in sch today. 3 of us share one set.
Haha after tt when we r leaving joyce say something so funny.
She say can u move? I say can then I move left n right. Haha
She juz asking us to move n go for lect. Haha

So funny. Meet yiling at orchard. We ate sushi tei. Haha.
After tt we went manda hse to play Nintendo wii. Haha
Quite fun but is a very tiring game. Haha.
Keep laughing n enjoy them acc me at nite.
Then I wont anyhow think.
Nowadays jay chou songs r my fav.
All abt love. Slow songs.
Tt day tok to yiling for quite long.
She ask me nt to give up.
I decided nt to give up.
I will jia you. U also muz jia you k.

I dunno wad happen to me.
i shld b happy tt we r still tgt.
but i feel very sad.
I feel tt we r so drifted apart.
no longer the same us.
all hve changed.
although he nv leave me but i cant feel his love
I feel like i'm juz a fren to him.
maybe i'm someone tt need his attention.
but i dun get any. i wan to tok to him
but i scare i disturb him doin his work.
if not later he say he cannot focus again.

so many things changed. change until i cannot accept.
every nite i will feel down. maybe is becuz i'm alone.
all e tots will keep coming.
sharon manda ask me dun let go.
I love him till i cannot take it if i'm being left alone.
i feel so empty. so tired. dunno wad to do next.

now i dun wish nite to come.
use to tok to him every nite. can hear his voice
now on msn also little bit only. only ask him things tt he can ans in a simple way.
he busy. so cannot reply long long.
cuz i noe he is tired of toking. he dun like to tok on phone.
now things changed so i can only tok to him on msn.
cuz he will b busy doin his work.
i try nt to disturb him by askin him to call me
i wont dare too.
i cant control my tears. so depressed.
i try to b happy in e day. nt to upset anyone.
shld i stay on? can i hold on to this rs?

it been a long time since i blog.
sch started for few weeks le.
things start to pile up alr.
I only got 2 frens in sch. feli hoo n lim.
i feel very upset. cuz i usually clique with my guys frens.
but now i hve to stay with 2 fren in sch for 3yrs.
i feel so sad. i hate uni life. although i hve frens frm other courses
but i wont get to see them often.
i miss everyone.
my good frens. those tt take care of me always.

many things happened suddenly. i cant take it.
tt why i say i emotional breakdown.
i can only keep it to myself.
no longer can show it out.
so suddenly tt within one day my precious change so much.
i'm sorry i add stress on u. i'm sorry.
he say he cannot take care of me. unfair to me.
a better guy may be out there.
he want to give up. only 2 mths he want to give up le.
his sch stress my stress make him suffocated.
i'm so depressed. no matter wad i say he nt listening.
why ppl give up so easily?
i try nt to bother him too much. nt to stress him. nt to be so emotional.
nt to this n that............is cont on n on.
he say he will try. i feel so scare. wad if he change his mind again?
really very very scare. i dunno wad to do?
shld i give him up too? shld i let him go?
shld i? but i dun wish too. I love him. I want my darling.
can i trust him? shld i try too?
I collapsing soon. I really dunno how.
my heart so pain. so pain. can anyone help me?